The Puddle Hunt I Got Wrong

I've recently wrote about the joy of a puddle hunt but I couldn't help but reflect back on one particular hunt I got wrong... Rori was six, almost seven. She was so excited for our adventure. Then came the first jump.

She was wearing jeans... hindsight, not my smartest move. The second they got wet and heavy, she panicked. Back then she had a lot of sensory issues with clothes. (If you're a parent, you undoubtedly get it In some form or fashion.) Nothing tight. Socks had to be just right. Heavy, soaked denim was basically her worst nightmare.

And I didn't know how to help her through it. Because I didn't know how to help me through anything yet.

I was finally at the end of a major separation. I was getting ready to sell the first home I ever bought. I was a single mom carrying more than I knew how to hold. And trying desperately for Rori to not notice. I hadn't found the tools to deal with my own stuff, so when she melted down, I think I did too. I just said, "Okay, let's go home."

Bath. Tears. Probably from both of us. What should have been pure fun ended in a puddle of a different kind.

Fast forward to tonight. Puddle hunt with my middle two. Donovan splashed Harleigh right in the face, and I watched that same almost-panic hit her.

This time I got down on her level. Wiped the water from her face. Told her it's okay. We're supposed to get wet. We're supposed to get dirty. (That's what makes puddle hunts so much fun, am I right?!) Then we go home and shower. I started singing a silly song I made up, and she jumped right back in.

Same puddles. Different mom.

Rori, I got it wrong that day, and I'm sorry. But I hope you understand now that I've healed beyond that. Every single thing you see me do differently with your siblings, I learned by being your mom first.

You've taught me so much and helped me grow in more ways than I can count. For that, I am forever grateful.

It wasn't easy being a mom at 23. It wasn't easy doing it on my own. But now that I sit back and think about it... I wasn't doing it on my own. You were right there, pushing me to be a better person and a better version of myself. You still do, every single damn day.

As you head off to college, I want you to know how proud I am of you. I love you. And you will always and forever be my first puddle buddy.